I had just graduated from highschool. Had a full ride to Henderson State University which was right across the street from my boyfriends college at Quachita Baptist.
I was 17, super excited, full of myself, engaged to my boyfriend (our plan was to wait two years before getting married) and no cares in the world--
Then the bottom dropped.
I remember on the cold hard patient table shaking uncontrollably, waiting for the test results -- the nurse returned -- “yes Miss Walker, it’s positive. “ “Excuse me? ” I asked. “You are pregnant”—she said. “Do you have a gynecologist/obstetrician?” heck/ a what? I had never even gone to a female doctor—that’s what old people did I thought. From there, My world started spinning.
Pregnant? No - This Can’t be Please God no I’m sorry Jesus Please, no, no, no
I begged for mercy and grace I brought up every bible verse I knew about God being merciful, And tried to remind God of how “good” I was in all the other areas of my life, I reasoned I didn’t deserve this bad thing to happen to me-that I wasn’t one of those other girls... I had a bright future, a structured plan -what now? Tears soaked my pillow as I lie there trying to fall asleep .
Then I cried out for forgiveness, I knew I was wrong/ I was filled with shame, remorse, regret. My pride was gone. I was nothing without my God to lead me. I wanted what he had in store for me, I wanted him to lead my path- the bible verses I now brought to remembrance were the ones of deliverance, like how Sampson cried out to God one last time and asked for strength to bring down the temple, knowing he wouldn’t survive but wanted it all for Gods glory. So now God-use all this for your glory.
I didn’t realize that my God had already extended his mercy and grace to me--
My 19 year old boyfriend who was proud to be a father and truly loved me so much-who was excited about getting married sooner than planned. My parents- my dad, who the very first thing he said was “Have you asked God to forgive you?” I said “yes sir”. He simply replied “then I do too”. My to be in-laws-my MIL, her first reply after being told “well do you love each other?” We both responded “yes”. She responded “that’s all you need, you’ll make it”. Her second reaction “wait, I’m so mad at y’all, now I don’t have enough time to lose weight before the wedding”. 😂
Fast forward 25 years- I have my sweet Hannah Lee and my awesome Tyler. Tyler has embarked on a new journey with NsU, using his sharp wit, sarcasm and creativity in videos with the marketing and branding dept. Now Hannah Lee is heading out to Tokyo for a year long adventure to teach, where I know she will bring joy and show Jesus love to all she meets. What a blessing -
And again I’m reminded - God shows his mercy and grace.
Hebrews 4:16- Therefore let us with privilege, approach the throne of grace, that is the throne of Gods gracious favor, with confidence and without fear so that we may receive mercy for our failures and find his amazing grace to help in time of need, an appropriate blessing, coming just at the right moment.